Why, oh why did you want this?

He's gorgeous and a good actor too, so will someone please tell me why, oh why did they cast him in Wanted? Honestly, it's just not funny. Film people, what were you thinking? Next to her


who by the way is married to him


he simply looks like a child. As a result the kiss scene is just disturbing. And what was this all about?


Proving that even the most expensive trainers in LA can't turn you into a fit man if you are born short and Scottish. Bless.

Ok, I am done. Bad weekend, sorry.

strangers- short film

From Diana. Simply amazing.

The return...

To be fair, quite pleasant. I'd almost forget I was away at all, if my friends didn't keep reminding me, demanding to see me IMMEDIATELY. Alas, there is only 1 me, and only 7 evenings in a week. So, careful treading on toes and all that. But I love them all and I am so happy to see them.

Strange getting back home with a dry shirt/t-shirt. No sweating for the unbearable heat here. Rain and then gently warm sunshine.

Lunchtime drama all over again. What to eat? Again sandwich with ham and cheese? Lunch for a month was a delight, buffalo mozzarellas, Parma ham and rocket salad, all of which taste like what they should, and not like a cross between battery chicken and unripened bananas.

Things get done like they should. Meeting scheduled are respected. Things explained to a hairdresser are discussed, clarified, then executed as agreed.

All these things we give for granted, after so many years, fall out of habit so quickly when we cross the sea...

Anyway, here are some pictures, in totally random order and no logic. Images of my month in Milan. Blissful.

Tot V and Tot A do the peninsula

In no-way chronological order.

- km driven: 2,250
- times stopped for loo due to over-intake of water: 245
- number of services stations between Milan and Bari unfrequented: 0
- gilded donkeys munched: 0

- weddings attended: 2
- weddings invited to: 1
- dodgy statues groped: 1
- Donatella Versace lookalikes spotted: 7
- American children terrorised: 2 + 1
- quaint Italian cities invaded: 2
- quaint Italian cities remembered by Lady V: 1

- disco inferno enactment: constant
- 'you can ring my bell' singalong session: 53
- changes of clothing: 0
- times stripped naked in front of horrified wedding party: 1
- times stripped naked in front of proud Tot: 2

- hours driven next to ranty Pugliese man: 6
- lesbian lunches injested: 2
- bottles of wine emptied: 563
- family theatricals witnessed: 1
- times laghter erupted at right moment: 4
- times laghter erupted at wrong moment: 89

- light retching at sight of semi-naked male: 5
- light retching at own clevernes: 586
- white trash conversion moment: midnight
- Tots spotted in leisurewear: 12:05 (stadards well below par)

The End

one image

I don't really have time to recount in full details my adventures in Milan, Tuscay and elsewhere. All I can do is challenge Le Duc in his Beckham iconoclasm.



Quite striking, eh?

More posting when I am back, I promise!!!

Blu: Muto

Blu surpassed himself once more:

PIG 05049

Christien Meindertsma has spent the last three years researching all the products made from a single pig. Amongst some of the more unexpected results were: Ammunition, medicine, photo paper, heart valves, brakes, chewing gum, porcelain, cosmetics, cigarettes, conditioner and even bio diesel.

Meindertsma makes the subject more approachable by reducing everything to the scale of one animal. After it's death, Pig number 05049 was shipped in parts throughout the world. Some produchttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifts remain close to their original form and function while others diverge dramatically. In an almost surgical way a pig is dissected in the pages of the book - resulting in a startling photo book where all the products are shown at their true scale (1:1).

Listing food

In Nappy-style, I am going to describe what I cooked tonight for F's dinner. Slaving away in the kitchen is not so bad if it means you don't have to be too sociable. Not that the guests were not nice. It's only that sometimes you just feel like sneaking away, and you can't really do that when you are hosting!

So, first came Prosciutto di Parma e Melone:


They were accompanied by Arrosto di Pomodori Pachino al sale. The tomatoes were so simple, yet so delicious. Definitely doing them again.


Then came Spaghetti alla Mollica, a very traditional Sicilian recipe, which was a little dry, so next time I might actually add more oil.


And after a Rocket, Pecorino, Walnuts and Pear Salad with Balsamic Vinegar Dressing,


we finished off with a Torta Contadina with Vanilla and Cappuccino ice-cream:


The end. Everyone was rather happy. I think...

Along the South Bank

Trotted along the South Bank yesterday on an official visit to young Maximilian, who joined us 5 weeks ago and is as gorgeous as his parents.

On the way, I snapped away and cool things. Like this giant green living room at the National Theatre:


Or this Eden Project-like sphere at the Hayward Gallery:


Couldn't take a better picture unfortunately, but you should still be able to see a celebration of someone's mum, alongside Gandhi and Mandela. Go Jennifer!!!!


The view of Lambeth's beauties from H & H's balcony:


And finally, I had a chance to go see the much talked about graffiti oeuvre by Banksy & co. on Leake Street. This one, for some reason, caught my attention. I know of one Papist at least who won't be pleased...

Guess what?

This is post no. 300 and I feel so happy and honoured for all the support and encouragement I have received so far, and without which I would not be where I am today.

I'd like to thank first of all my agent, my editor, my PA, my family, my friends, in particular those who have left comments on my entries, and have made every post truly special. I'd also like to thank the make-up department, the guys from utilities, the sandwich delivery girl, my osteopath, and all those who know me and love me. Guys, I love love love love love you!!!!! There are tears in my eyes as I type this. Honestly, this is the happiest day of my life. I feel like Gwyneth at the Oscars. You are all amazing. I am amazing. We are all amazing!!

Pork and Beans

Weezer's new video. Those of us who spend far too much time on YouTube will find it hilarious. Everyone else won't get it. [via Hei-deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

The Great Below

Nine Inch Nails at their best. Breathtaking.

Batch 2 - DR

And finally, the Caribbean paradise:


My view in Santo Domingo for nearly 3 days, as I melted away with fever and shivering:


In Las Terrenas, surrounded by dogs, proceeding to pickle the Mango Tango:


Gorgeous Leticia:


El Perro, Leti, and someone in the background pretending to be a teenage boy:


Dance, Lady, dance!


Not a flattering one, but I had to post at least one of myself. Plus, Rosali looks amazing:


Any further question, please refer to Lady V's diary, soon to be published by Portobello...

Batch 1 - NYC

In no particular order. Snapshots of out NYC frolicking. Day 1, the reunion:


Sipping G&Ts by the Empire State Building:



Our all-time favourite dive bar:



Shoot 'em deer, beatch:


This is the toilet where Barbara lives. Barbara is Lady V's new BFF:


Graceful buildings in NYC:


The ladies are NOT for turning...


Parko in the background. Looking shifty as always:


More elegant buildings. Fog. In May. Yes.


Caught this one, eh Tots?


Love the MoMA. The Elastic Mind exhibition was brilliant. Tot V and F, on the other hand, thought the MoMA bar was FAR more interesting...



DR to follow soon...

A taste of pics to come

A splendid image of the Tots stumbling off a "plane" after an epic journey over the Dominican Republic. Light sweating and some grabbing of stranger's limbs by Lady V, as the plane plummeted through clouds at barely 200 ft from the ground.

Fags lit almost instantaneously next to plane's fuel tanks on arrival, which led to instant reprimand by local airport authorities (which can be spotted in the background performing luggage handling duties too).

Naturally, a G&T was swiftly ingested after arrival at beach to soothe the shaken nervous system of Lady V, whose love for planes is as great as her love for teenage boys. It was followed by light session of skin-scorching.

More gems tomorrow, I wouldn't want to overwhelm you...

The first 24 hours

Beware: Lady V is keeping a diary of all the events that are happening, so expect a new best-selling novel to be soon published by Portobello Books. So far we've had:

1 very smelly old man sitting by our side on the plane, who paid for his sins by being forced to stand up every 35 minutes by Lady V's weak pelvic floor

1 kidnapping of Lady V by Homeland Security officials, who took her into a Guantanamo-like room at JFK and released her only when I started calling in support from Amnesty International

1 delightful reunion with gorgeous Gossip Girl star Sgieth and Princeton star T Borges


1 incident with a very bitchy dog that I hope will be put down or run over soon

4 visits to drinking establishments in (relatively) quick succession, including a roof-top bar under the shadow of the Empire State Building,



a faux dive bar in Brooklyn where F & C discovered they quite like hunting deer after all



and a real dive bar where a pool table gave us the opportunity to become acquainted with our first, real American trailer trash lady: Barbara from Puerto Rico (no pictures taken for security reasons)

So far, so good

I am bracing for what's next...