Tot V and Tot A do the peninsula

In no-way chronological order.

- km driven: 2,250
- times stopped for loo due to over-intake of water: 245
- number of services stations between Milan and Bari unfrequented: 0
- gilded donkeys munched: 0

- weddings attended: 2
- weddings invited to: 1
- dodgy statues groped: 1
- Donatella Versace lookalikes spotted: 7
- American children terrorised: 2 + 1
- quaint Italian cities invaded: 2
- quaint Italian cities remembered by Lady V: 1

- disco inferno enactment: constant
- 'you can ring my bell' singalong session: 53
- changes of clothing: 0
- times stripped naked in front of horrified wedding party: 1
- times stripped naked in front of proud Tot: 2

- hours driven next to ranty Pugliese man: 6
- lesbian lunches injested: 2
- bottles of wine emptied: 563
- family theatricals witnessed: 1
- times laghter erupted at right moment: 4
- times laghter erupted at wrong moment: 89

- light retching at sight of semi-naked male: 5
- light retching at own clevernes: 586
- white trash conversion moment: midnight
- Tots spotted in leisurewear: 12:05 (stadards well below par)

The End