This story, like all good stories, begins in the present day, with a ravishing Lady V, sweating gently under the weight of the familial 7 months-old offspring, giving out a sigh, as the world appears just a little too burdensome after the previous night's shenanigans.Cut to: the previous day
Scene 1 - on campus
Yours truly completes at 11.59 his final exam, after writing 9 copious pages of rubbish on ecofeminists and why it's ok to drive SUVs and not worry about global warming (yes, we all need to make a living, and I need to get this degree, so shut up all of you).
Leaves examination room. Enters pub. Proceeds to down 2 pints of Guinness and then invite - in a slightly over-excited manner - anyone in sight and on his mobile to a house-party. Some look away in horror. Others ooze in delighted expectation. The damage is done.
Scene 2 - at homePeople begin to trickle into the flat. Lady V arrives pretty early and downs within minutes 3 large G&Ts. Cheeks assume the well-known pink tinge. But conversation still makes some sense. Other members of the community arrive, including PDF & M, and Sicily, who begins to harass innocent bystanders. Most don't know how lucky they are to have escaped Little P's presence.
Scene 3 - later
V.: I really ought to go... I am babysitting Baby B tomorrow, and he's always awake at 5 am. I promised it to my sister, who's going to wedding.
A.: Don't be ridiculous, it's only 10.30. Have another G&T.
V.: Oh, alright then...
Scene 4 - later
People have begun to arrive en masse. The flat fills up. The booze flows. The music grooves. Those legs just can't stay still. At 2.30 am, the spirit of the night takes possession of the flat and every person is bouncing up and down like there's no tomorrow to the sound of the Killers, the Klaxons, the White Stripes and... er... Justin Timberlake...
Lady V is spotted having a fag on the edge of the crowd. The pink tinge has given way to a deep Cardinal red. Her twinkly eye runs along the crown, searching for a prey, and stops when it meets mine. A mischievous smile and her fag is flicked onto the wooden floor and stomped on. The only person to do this in a crowd of students. I feel like a proud parent.
Scene 5 - later
4:30 am. The crowd is thinning. Buena Vista Social Club has replaced Indie Rock. Sicily has reappeared from some lesbian dungeon to hang out with the kool kidz, only to end up on the terrace negotiating (very loudly) a certain deal with a group of blokes 3 floors and 2 buildings away from ours. The negotiations end in mutual insults and death-threats. We all sigh in relief that this conversation overheard by tens of flats is finally over.
Lady V is spotted crawling on a floor, fag in hand, looking for something.
A.: What are you looking for dear?
V.: My dignity... Ohhhhh... I am a bad auntie, aren't I...? You see... I really ought to go home... sniff... I feel so bad... I have to be up in half an hour babysitting that child...
A.: Well why didn't you leave earlier?
V.: You wouldn't let me!!!
A.: But that was at 10:30...!
V.: Really? Uhm... Oh well... If you insist, I'll have one for the road.
A.: All the booze is gone...
V.: Really? What is that?
A.: You mean those last drops of warm sangria?
V.: Sometimes we can't be choosy, darling...
The End
3 comments:
Oh darling, I can always rely on you for good publicity. And to remind of what happened the night before.... cracking night.,, thank god the baby is in bed now. I'm just about to crawl in between the sheets myself. By the way, i think I might have dropped some sausage in your bed, you might want to check before you go to sleep. Oops. Soz.
i am giddy with delight at reading this story.
how i love you both.
of course i have some objections to the music. a spot of emily haines would have sobered you all up instantly. still..
Welcome back to the un-examined life.
We have all missed you!
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