Just to give you an idea of how insane my days are... Only today I had to go through the following:
08:00 - Wake up with hangover.
09:00 - Meet Guido. Tell him off for being rude and abusive with Fed., my assistant at sister's party on Saturday. He denies and abuses me verbally in the street.
09:30 - Meet CG. big shot at major environmental NGO, arch-enemy of Guido's, who sits in a corner growling lightly. He charms me with his blue eyes and polished shoes (none of my shoes look decent since this city has seen a quick succession of snow and rain for the last 6 weeks). Wonder if environmentalists always look so cool. Turn to Guido and remember they don't.
11:00 - Meet P., middle aged posh lady in decaying private club in the centre of Milan. She tells us how she LOVES helping the social sector, as long as it looks like us. We dazzle her with our 'youthfulness'. She plays with her earings. Offers her business card. Promises of eternal admiration follow suit.
13:00 - Meet Fed., the assistant insulted by Guido on Saturday who thankfully seems to have taken the whole episode kindly. Little do I know.
15:00 - Meet T., fashion designer who dazzles us with uber cool pair of shoes made in Romania, by small children chained to walls. We ignore all CSR principles and opt for light drool.
17:00 - Head over at F. & C.'s, married couple of weird architects with uber-cool studio in uber-cool area of town. Assistant disappears allegedly due to pending theatre production at 18:00. I remain drinking terribly strong beer and discussing Hegel, Mussolini and boars. Realise assistant has actually trapped me there, as I am unable to leave and I wonder whether they are just fattening me up to cook me later at night. The two chain smoke like Tot F and Tot V on a good day.
21:30 - Conversation hits family history. I start looking for emergency exit. None identified. Opt for loo. Get offered dinner, turn it down on account of having large amounts of leftovers at home. F. & C. polish off second pack of Wests.
22:00 - F. begins hitting table heavily, miming time when he killed a doberman with bare hands. I nod and smile like a blond bimbo, unsure what behaviour to adopt. F. & C. declare they haven't spoken with someone as intelligent as me for at least a year. I carry on smiling. Declarations of eternal friendship and admiration follow suit. Third pack of West cleared.
23:00 - Finally manage to grab coat. F. insists on driving me home. Get home and out of the car, but realise that F. is waiting for me to get into my front door. Go in and wait a few seconds, peep back out hoping he's gone so I can go to the local pizzeria, since I have no food at home, but realise he's still there waiting. He waves. Realise this was Fed.'s punishment, leaving me in the hands of two lunatics who might lock me up in a cellar for the rest of my adult life.
23:15 - Give up idea of having any dinner. Decide to go to bed empty-bellied.
4 comments:
All this Busy-ness and Importance makes it terribly difficult to be you! Might want to get a Doberman. Or just Maude.
I knew I shouldn't have left you in the hands of those dodgy Milanese....
- they now sell shoe shine wipes.. ( they fit in a pocket) shall get you a packet, they should always be in your kit of EIP ( Extremely Important Person)
- you are in Italy.. keep 4 salti in padella in the fridge... for emergency in case of kidnapping
- Lady V and F used to smoke like chimneys.. now they are angels..
you are back home sweet home tomorrow and we can all cuddle huggle and sniffle you
and I must say.. this week, for the first time ever I found in which occasion Italy is more civilised than Britain (SNOW)
see u soon baby
well, darling... you should have seen Milan under 2 feet of snow. Completely paralysed. You would not expect this from a city that can see the Alps from the roof of its tallest buildings...
still, I really look forward to snuggling and snuffling with you all...
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