Hels and Hooky's wedding

Heavy-headed, returning from Hels and Hooky's wedding. A strange sense of deja-vu as I think back to my half-drunken stumble across perfectly manicured lawns, surrounded by well-behaved 30somethings. Hels and Hooky... when you say a perfect couple. Fabulously beautiful. Madly in love with each other. I almost cried (with envy, of course!)...


On a lighter note, here are some of my favourite wedding moments.

FM 1
as Hels and Hooky dig a hole to plant a tree symbolising... er... something about love, blah blah blah...:
M.: Oh sweet, they're planting a tree
A.: Yeah, if they dig a bigger hole, they could bury that old granny too.

FM 2
after lengthy conversation over dinner about cooking and eating with a 30something woman who works as a food-critic for a London magazine:
W.: So tell me a memorable meal you had...
A.: Well, about a year ago, at Caino's in Montemerano, near Manciano. Ravioli stuffed with extra-virgin olive oil and garlic sorbet the two most memorable dishes. Exquisite food. What about you?
W.: Oh, south of France, a few years ago...
A.: ...
W.: Yes... well... can't remember the name of the restaurant, but it was fabulous...
A.: What did you eat?
W.: Oh, oysters, lobster, these kind of things... Marvellous
A.: flabbergasted silence
W.: pointless silence
A.: What is it again you do!?!?!
woman turns to person on her right and doesn't speak to me for the rest of the evening...

FM 3
conversing with W & J about embarassing moments with family members:
J.: So after some time we've been going out together, W decides to introduce me to his father and his new wife.
A.: How sweet of him...
J.: Yes, except that his new wife is this Philipino woman 20 years younger, and as I walked into the house, evidently unable to face the gruelling prospect of meeting his son's new girlfriend, he had invited half a dozen of his mates, who ALL had a Philipino wife 20 years younger...
embarassed silence follows as W shifts uneasily from his right foot to his left foot and back...

FM 4
on arrival at the sumptuous Premier Travel Inn:


FM 5
Best man S is giving his speech:
S.: And here are some telegrams from friends who could not be here today, but still wanted to wish Hels and Hooky all the best. One friend describing himself simply as Bones says he's sorry he couldn't be here today to help you relax...
probably the best line of the speech, strangely the parents and old grannie didn't quite get the joke.

FM 6
Piggy back race. Several fathers have decided to enter the race with their young kids, as a lower weight on their back will enhance the chances of them winning. The race starts. Most fathers run like they're competing for an Olympic medal. The faces of the children on their backs are paralysed with terror. One kid looses his balance and flips backwards, dangling by his anckles against the father's back. Possible spinal fracture. Father doesn't stop running until he reaches the finish line. Kid at this point is in tears and possibly scarred for life. Good old English competitiveness...

FM 7
Watching another gruelling race and conversing with N., 30something single mother of a little mixed-race boy, the product of a one-night stand in the Philippines:
N.: They really should let Helen win, after all it's her wedding day...
A.: Oh well, yes, but she's already won a husband today, which is more than some women can claim here!
N.: Flabbergasted silence
A.: Mortified silence
N.: [leaving] I better go and check my son.

Yes, we gave good wedding. Once more...