string theory

Today I had one of the most bewildering experiences since working in Milan. And it is so bizarre I need to recount it here in detail, lest I forget it when I am in my late 60s.

I get summoned by this reputable design professor at an equally reputable design university in town. The reason? He has a project for me, but needs to tell me face-to-face.

I arrive around lunch time, entering his studio with a younger professor I know personally and who has been invited to witness the meeting. He asks me to close the door firmly. I comply and sit down next to him.

"I have been a very fulfilled man in my life, sexually speaking - he starts - I have been married 3 times and at 65 I am proud to say I can still please my wife, who is 25 years younger than me".

A little drop of sweat fills my forehead.

"Yet - he continues - at my age one needs some... how shall I put it... perks. Which is why I have invented something that I wish you to bring to the market".

The younger professor looks at me in complete shock, although I try to avoid his glance because I fear I will just burst into laughter and blow it all up. The elder professor produces a black string from his pocket, and with a few swift movements he ties it into a sort of noose.

"You see - he shows me wrapping it around his thumb - the string acts as a cock-ring, but doesn't feel as uncomfortable and it can be adjusted as one pleases. No more one-size-fits-all solutions. And this only costs a few cents"

I recover from the initial shock, point out how he could market his "invention" and promise a thorough investigation when I am London (Milan certainly isn't a place where his invention would go down well). He grins and pats me on the showlder.

"Here, have the string. It's not only old men like me who need it to avoid taking Viagra. Young men like you can enjoy it too".

I thank politely, slipping the string into my pocket with a little shiver. Sadly, as I search my pockets to take a picture of it for the blog tonight, I realize a friend I was telling the story to earlier on has taken it with him. Clearly the string is far more attractive than I had imagined...!

To the cock-ring market: get ready to meet your fate!